2.23 I’m Sorry What!?!?!

Andromeda’s Point of Veiw

I don’t remember much but the emotions I went through for the next few hours.  I don’t really remember Marta ushering me into a cab or her and Hilda taking the children to the nursery.  I don’t remember standing on the patio circling my magic around me with thoughts of wiping my memory of all men.  Of wanting to eradicate my thoughts on even liking them.  Of forcing myself to remain single forever and never remembering why.

I didn’t hear Marta and Tempest come up to me.  Marta grabbed me forcing me to stop casting whatever curse I was thinking of doing to him.  I still struggled to remember it all but I did clearly remember his lips locked around another woman.

“Romi snap out of it.”  I looked at Marta through eyes that were clouded looking at him kissing another.  I know I hadn’t been the best girlfriend, but I just had two kids, we only met a couple of months before the children were born.  Before the kids I had been the model of the perfect girlfriend, cautious but the perfect girlfriend.  After the birth we struggled for dates its true, but that wasn’t my fault, Remus simply wouldn’t settle for anyone but me but now Hilda is here I could focus on him too and we could have…. He could have been….

I had tears streaming down my eyes.  “He was supposed to be their father.”  I finally got out.

“I don’t think that’s really an option anymore.”  Then I started to remember the argument.  Oh how we had argued.  Marta tried to pull me away and he had lashed out at her saying this was all her fault, which made no sense to me.  How could Marta be to blame, she never said hey Chad later today me and Romi are going to go for a random stroll with the children be near the beach at about 11am.

Marta’s Point of View

“I could kill him for blaming you, after all you didn’t kiss her.”

I just looked at Romi when she finished that sentence, how can she not see it, how could she never see it?  Everyone else does.  I really didn’t think I was that obvious till Dom told me to be careful, then Silver came round all the time when she was with that Rogue, helping me as I sat there crying desperately sad to see what she was doing to herself.

I never meant for it when we met, I mean I had hinted at my reason for leaving my husband, although he was  a dirty cheating scum bag.  But I had fallen head over heels for this incredible woman.  I thought she might figure it out when I went everywhere and did everything for her when she was pregnant, oh how I had hoped she would say something like I have feelings for you Marta.  I dreamed often about our first kiss and I never once envisioned her meeting Chad and wanting him to be the father to her children.  What a joke, he never even came to see her unless it was for a date, he never just popped by to see her, and in turn the children.

Those kids didn’t need a father they needed a mother, one not bogged down with trying to please a person but one who lives with someone where they both chip in.  All those memories in her head and she doesn’t get how a relationship works.  It’s teamwork, not everything being one person or the others job.  Oh how I wish I could tell her differently but Chad the jerk let the cat out of the bag.

I have seen her like this before when she was adjusting to those memories, she’s still taking it all in, she doesn’t remember him saying that he wouldn’t play second fiddle to me anymore.  Maybe she didn’t notice.  God I could kill that jerk.  But right now I need Romi to stop thinking like that, she could really kill him.  She could kill me if she wants to, but if she decided after today we weren’t to see another again she may as well as life is nothing without her in it for me.

Heavens I didn’t want to do this, I swore to myself after she told me about her past I was never going to do this.  I didn’t want to… I mean I know it’s been two years and I know she’s old enough to handle it, but I’m not ready, this sort of thing you tell someone on a romantic night, not when they are stood bawling their eyes out because the twat your seeing right now doesn’t have any intention of being there for you.

Tempest nudged me and I knew she was saying tell her, that was what made me say my next sentence, after all your a fool to argue with Tempest, silent or talking she was too smart to argue with.  “Romi…”  I watched her tear strained eyes meet mine, oh how I wanted to just kiss her already.  “I know why he said what he did,”  she looked at me confused, could I really do this to her?  “He said he couldn’t play second fiddle to me anymore.”  I could see it in her, her memory of him saying that and her going off on one about how I hadn’t done anything to cause this.  Although true, sort of, all I could see in that moment was the woman I love running as far away from me as she could and that image came to mind again.

“What are you trying to tell me?”

So sweet and innocent even with everything she’s been through, she still can’t see it.  I’ve never wanted to beat someone into understanding and not say anything and pretend it never happened so much in my life before.  “Romi,”  Tempest nudged me again and I went for it.  “I love you.”

I could have died as I watched her process what I just said.

She looked at me like realisation hit her and then she said “I’m sorry what?”  I could have made my own coffin at this point.

Romi listen to her properly.

“I am and I’m sure she just said she loves me.”  Were they seriously talking as if I wasn’t right here?

I did the only think I could think of to bring me back into the conversation, something I’ve wanted to do for years.  I kissed her.

Andromeda’s Point of View

Suddenly I was embraced in a kiss with Marta.  Ten minutes ago I wanted to kill Chad, two minutes ago Marta told me she loves me, and in this second I’m being kissed by her.  I honestly don’t know what to think of it.  I mean talk about coming out of nowhere.  Sure I guess it all makes sense but my thoughts right now are what?!??!

She pulled away from me and I had to press my feet to the ground I didn’t want to run from anything anymore I had done it all my life but right now my instinct was to run to my bedroom and figure out what the frack was going on.  I pinched myself quickly hoping no one would notice, yep I’m awake.

I liked Marta, I did, but did I love her?  Ok yes I did but as a friend, could I love her as a partner?  What am I thinking my children need a father.  Do they though?  How did I end up here, I tried to back track in my mind how I got here and I couldn’t figure it out.

“Romi talk to me!”  I looked at Marta in front of me and she looked sad desperately sad, was that my fault.  I didn’t ever want to make her sad, she was my best friend.  There’s that word again friend.  Could we be more?  Why hadn’t I realised?

“I’m sorry it’s alot to process, I never expected this and I’m just trying to process.”

“How about I give you the rest of the day and I’ll come back tomorrow for coffee.  Let me know your thoughts then.” To say I was relieved to not decide something right now is an understatement, but I felt like an awful friend to do that, but she didn’t give me a choice as she walked away from me, heading down the steps.

I knew I should call after her but the words wouldn’t come from me.  I wanted to, I couldn’t help it, it’s a strange sensation, it’s like the one thing good in your life is walking away.  But in that moment I knew I also needed a minute or thirty to think about what had just happened.

Come on inside, lets talk.

I followed Tempest inside to the seating area.  Silver was at work so it was just me, Hilda and the kids in.

OK spill why did you just let her walk away?

“I didn’t honestly know what to think of what she said.”

Did you really not know?

“Let me guess, I’m the last to know.”

Yep it would seem that way.

“Why does no one tell me anything?”

It was actually fairly obvious and has been for some time Romi.

“I didn’t mean to upset her, I really didn’t know.”

And what do you think now?

“I don’t know still.”

Romi you must have an opinion.

“OK but this will be a jumbled mess.  I’m amazed, shocked, confused and I don’t know what to make of it.”  I paused.

Go on.

“I want a father for my children.  I want a father for my future children.”

Let me but in here, Romi this is not the old days like the books your father had you read, same gender relationships are normal nowadays…

“I know that.”

Please don’t interrupt me Romi I’m trying to help.  Society doesn’t say you have to be a mother and father combination to have children, for once please search through your memories of your grandparents of old.  I don’t know why you don’t listen to those memories more often.  Was Devlin’s daughter not the first of the grandparents of old to wed a woman.

“Yes she was.”  She was right I had made a lot of mistakes even with all these memories.  I should really think back to them more often but it’s easier to just keep them in the background and not think of them as they are so vivid.  I remembered what it was like for Lyric and her wife together and I felt uncomfortable at the fact they were my ancestors but also cause well….

You not only can have Marta in your life who will treat you incredibly well but be a wonderful parent to the children and she can help you bring more life to this house.  

“I guess I never thought of it like that I guess I expected I was always supposed to end up with a man.”

Romi you have never done what you are supposed to.  Of course no one said that but you defy supposed to at every turn.  I think your so used to what society tells you you are supposed to be as you always had people watching what you do.  You never had a chance like normal kids to discover who or what you really are.

“So do you think I’m….. is gay right?”

Well only you can answer that but what did you feel like when she kissed you?

“Shocked, amazed…”

Look past the shock and the amazement, you’ve had children, how did you feel when she kissed you?

“I felt like it was right.”

And yet you’ve let her walk away.

“I’m an idiot,” I said standing up.  “I need to go to her.”

About bleeding time.

I knew she’d be home nearly so I did something I haven’t done in years, I cast a spell to magic me directly to the house in the hopes of beating her.

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