2.21 Double Trouble

I did have twins that day a son and a daughter.  Remus was such a handful, always crying for more attention whereas Inara only caused a fuss when Remus made it so I could not attend to her needs.  In a way it meant that Inara was cared for by others more than myself, that made me feel like a terrible mother.

I spent the first two months of the children’s lives trying to get them into a routine and getting Remus used to anyone else caring for him.  In the end Silver and Marta agreed to just leave Remus to me and they would handle Inara when she cried.  I didn’t like the idea of giving him everything he wants considering his young age but there was little I could do about it he wouldn’t take a bottle or be held by anyone other than me.  I was certain he got his fathers possessive manner towards me but then I remembered he was a baby and just wanted his mother.

When the twins were ten weeks old I got a surprise visit, a surprise to me but not to Silver it would appear he helped to plan the visit.  My mother came into the nursery as I rocked my son to sleep.  I would have gotten up but that would definitely wake him and he was so very close to being asleep now.  “No please don’t get up.”

“What are you doing here?”  I whispered.

Mum whispered back, “You didn’t think I would stay away from my grandchildren.  Me and Silver have been planning this for a couple of months now but we agreed to give you time to settle into motherhood.”

“I don’t know if I can ever get used to this.”  I said whispering and rocking.  It had been ten weeks and only thanks to Marta and Silver was I able to care for both of the children.  I don’t know how mum and dad did it.  I suppose thankfully it was the two of them to raise us all but I would be on my own one day raising the twins.   I don’t want you to get me wrong I love them with all my heart but with Remus’s constant cries for me and my inablity to care for Inara the way I would like I just don’t understand how I can keep this up.

I had tried to keep a date or two with Chad but Remus would not settle for Silver or Marta and so I couldn’t leave him and I had to usually end the date or not go at all.  I stood up and put Remus in his crib and turned to hug my mother.  “Mum I don’t know if I can care for two children.”  I whispered it even quieter as I did not want my sleeping children ever to hear my doubts.

She hugged me tighter, “Of course you can dear.  The first six months are the hardest on any parent.  Me and your father had to tag team care for you and your brother.”  She let go of me and looked into my sad tired eyes.  “You must feel so alone in this.  Your father was the one to keep me sane when I had you two.  I don’t know how you are coping on your own even if you have Silver and Marta.”

I wanted to cry in her arms like I did as a child.  I didn’t want to admit I wished I had never had them as when I wasn’t unbearably tired or sad I loved them and loved to be near them.  They changed everything for me.  I just wonder if it would have been better if I had waited or if I had been married, would that make things easier?  I had them now and I didn’t want to be without them but boy did I want some sleep.

“Go get some rest.”

I really wanted to, I did I wanted to sleep for more than 4 hours but Inara needed feeding.  “I can’t Inara, I get so little time with her as it is.”

“Go get some sleep Romi,” mum whispered.  “I’ll take care of Inara,”  I started to protest I really did feel like I let Inara down by not being able to care for her as much as her brother.  Mum must have seen it written all over my face.  “She has a lifetime with you, one more day will not hurt her, besides I am a grandmother, let me dote like my father did for you kids.”

I couldn’t really argue with that although I wanted to, I loved my time with Inara but mum was right I needed sleep.  A minute ago I was contemplating life without either of them I needed sleep cause I knew in my heart I could never be without them.

I went into my room and let my head hit the pillow, I slept for a full twelve hours.  I was amazed when I saw the time.  I thought I had dreamed mum being here and my gut reaction was to jump out of bed and tend to the children.  I started to sit up when I saw the shadow.

“Stay there, mum says your to enjoy the moment.”  Well I hadn’t been dreaming then.

“What are you doing here Pan?”  She was supposed to be safe at home in Lunar Lakes.

“There was no way I was staying home when I could escape for a bit.”  I of course knew from Silver that Pandora hadn’t been happy at home before he left but hearing her happiness at being away from home sounded so familiar.  I sat up as Pan got up and moved closer to me taking a seat on the bed.  “I’ve missed having you around you know.”

“I’ve heard.  How have things been since Silver moved here?”

“All right I suppose, I count the days till I’m 18 though.”

I gave her a warm smile, “You should be enjoying the time you’ve got left as a kid Pan.”

“Oh come on your barely two years older than me.”  I knew she wouldn’t understand.

“Yet I’m the one with two children.”

“Two incredibly gorgeous children and a huge house.”

“That was just luck.”

“But you did it Romi, you made it not just out of the Lakes but into a good situation.”

She was right but there was so much more to the story.  “It’s not that simple Pan.”

She looked at me.  “Do you not have two wonderful children?”

I looked at her like she knew the answer and then nodded.

“Do you not have an incredibly large house, that’s just incredible?”

I nodded again, but there was so much more to the story, and I couldn’t explain it to her.

“Sure the kids dad was an idiot…”

I butted in, “An idiot??  He was incredibly clever, he managed to nearly wipe me out of any money I had left.”

“Alright scratch idiot, and insert jerk.  My point is you still did it.”

She was right of course I had gotten away from the press even with my acrobat job I had kept the press from figuring out who I was, not that they really cared all that much.  I also had a huge house and I had a life that I now loved.  I rarely struggled with who I was anymore especially since the day that I told Rogue to never return.  But I still felt like she didn’t get it.  I guessed she may never get it.

It seemed to be in that minute mum came walking in with little Inara in her arms.  She walked over to me, “I thought I could hear you two talking.”

“Your ears must be like a bat, I don’t get how you heard us at all.”  I said as I stood up and picked up my wonderful daughter, it was so good to hold her without Remus kicking up a fuss nearby.

“A mother must have ears like a bat, give it another couple of months and you’ll be there.”  Mum looked at Pan, “Why don’t you go and make your sister a coffee.”

“I don’t have a coffee maker, the closest place…”

Mum cut me off, “We brought you one Romi, you’re going to need a lot of coffee in the first two years.”

I smiled at my mother whilst cuddling my daughter, she was right, I had a steady supply of coffee coming in from Silver and Marta, a coffee maker makes life alot easier.  “Thanks mum.”  I looked into her eyes and wished she could stay, I knew she couldn’t but life seemed so much easier with her nearby.

“Why don’t you get changed and lets go sit in the upstairs living room I want to talk to you about something.”

I nodded, gave Inara to mum and changed quickly. We sat down and mum passed Inara back to me as I looked into my little girls blue eyes mum started talking.   I knew I’d have to hand her over to someone else the minute Remus started crying but I was enjoying my moment with Inara.

“I was talking to your brother earlier…  I didn’t realise just how bad it was Romi.”  I had hoped she wouldn’t think I couldn’t handle it and tell me I had made a mistake or something.  “I think what you have done is incredible and I admire you for all you’ve done.”

“But…”  Although I loved what she was saying I could hear it coming.

“You’ve always been a clever one.  But I think you do need help and your sister found a spell that may work.”

I cut her off, “I don’t try and use my magic all that much anymore mum.”

“I know and I’m glad, as I’ll be honest your magic scared me the way you used it before, but this spell is a one time spell and it will help you out plenty.”

“I don’t know.”

“Romi give it a go, you’ll have to trust me on this, it will help.”

“Alright, what is the spell called?”

“The Bone Hilda I think.”

“That sounds like an odd spell.”

“Well I don’t want to spoil the surprise but it should make life alot easier for you and your ability to care for the twins.  I kind of wish I had been strong enough to case the spell myself, but I didn’t know about it when I had you kids.”